The Anxiety Diaries.

Monday 5th November 2018

Well… Hello there everyone. It has been almost a year since I have written on my beloved blog. My keyboard has collected a layer of dust and my writers block has been more like a concrete barrier reinforced with titanium (is that strong?? It sounds pretty damn strong to my uneducated brain..). Every now and then I pop on, but I have been unable to maintain a schedule for a painfully long time now. I can blame so many things – busy life, full time work, laziness. To an extent, all of these things factor in to where all my time goes, but that is being a normal human. I wish it was just these things, oh how I wish it was simply ‘I’m just so chocker block with my wonderful job and wonderfully busy life!’, but it’s just not.

I try so hard to put on a facade like this, that my life is nothing short of fine and god forbid I have problems, as every single one of us do. The mask I place on my face each and every day of my public life is as thick and heavy as that concrete barrier of the creative block I have struggled with for so long. The more I struggle to hold the mask up, the more it drags down what I am hiding beneath.

Being completely honest with you all, I have been suppressing so much over the past six months that recently everything has quite literally crumbled beneath me. I had a really severe panic attack in my workplace followed by several anxiety attacks which I have pretty much been waiting to stop for over a week now. I haven’t slept much at all this week as panic sneaks up on me when the lights go out; the room is dark and calm yet my brain is at it’s most awake. It eats at my doubts and fears and before I know it my nightmare is that I am awake and I can’t breathe.

It is such a ruthless illness. I am currently sat writing this frank and honest post on how horrendous I am feeling; yet I am surrounded by unassuming people in a crowded coffee shop, and to the naked eye I am completely, indifferently a-okay. It’s terrifying how silent and cripplingly lonely mental health issues are.

If you take anything away from this post – be nice to EVERYONE. You would be kind to someone with a broken leg, you’d open a door for them or help them if you could see them struggling, of course you would! Unfortunately, there isn’t that luxury with mental health, you can’t look inside someone’s head and see a problem in order to know to be kind, to be gentle, so why not just do it regardless?

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Wednesday 5th December 2018

I am going to assign this to fate that I unintentionally opened this post exactly 1 month apart, and in the exact same coffee shop may I add! I had one hell of a month, I hate to have to say it got a lot worse before it got better, but at least it is getting better. The dark, heavy cloud that was hanging over my head has somewhat lifted. Only a week ago it was down pouring on my everyday life, flooding my mind with terrorising worry about the most mundane acts because literally anything was initiating panic attacks on a daily basis.

I am by no means saying I am cured, far from it, but I haven’t had a panic attack in a few days and am having a somewhat good day today. I am writing this for myself to read back on a day of need to remind myself and others; OI YOU, good days exist and you WILL get through this shoddy one! I had my first talking therapies assessment today so lets all cross our fingers that these wonderful humans have a magical wand to get me feeling a whole lot less poo eh?!

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I know this was oversharing to the max, but as part of trying to feel happier and more productive, I am forcing myself to get back into blogging, something that used to bring me so much joy back in its hay day. I didn’t feel quite right just diving back in and pretending this side of my life wasn’t also happening too; and who knows, it may help someone out there feel a tad less alone! To those people out there struggling, I am sending humungous virtual hugs in your direction, sorry if I have cold hands it is an AWFULLY chilly day.

Please feel free to use this comment section as your own little therapy session, writing out these feelings has felt strangely therapeutic and I would love for you all to feel the same!

Just Jolie x

Product Preach – Jeffree Star Liquid Lipsticks. SEND NUDES (Collection)

I have a strange relationship with lipsticks. They are the thing I collect the most and probably wear the least. In both my fashion style as well as the makeup I wear, one thing that is always pretty much top of my priorities is comfort!  This obsession with my lips still feeling moisturised and effortlessly bare means that I do spend the majority of my existence in Vaseline, Carmex and Nivea Lip butter. Despite owning a full drawer of lip glosses, sticks, paints and stains – you name it, I probably have it, and don’t wear it. That unhealthy ‘buy but rarely wear’ relationship changed drastically when I discovered Jeffree Star and his glorious matte liquid lips.

My Mind Is Like A Football Match.

My mind is like a football match.

We have the home crowd; the supporters, the good intentions, hopeful thoughts, body positivity and ambition.

But the away stand are also there, the voices in my head that want to see me fail. They cheer when something goes wrong in my life; relish in any speckle of self doubt, anxiety, social stumbles (of which there are many) or heartbreak.

Star Wars: Return Of The Just Jolie.

The struggle for a title continues to be very real, no matter how long I continue this blogging shenanigans. If any of you have been here since the start, you will know I can never produce a normal title; one of my loveable quirks I suppose eh? I believe the last blogging return post title was in the form of a well known Eminem lyric, I’ll let you figure that one out yourself. Regardless, here I am, back again in word form! Pleased to see me?

Product Preach – Dove Self Tanning Body Lotion.

Winter is coming, (and yes I will be continuing to use that Game Of Thrones pun until it is dead and buried.) and with that comes the palest of pale. Some people won’t understand the true struggle of the pale person on this end of the year; I can quite literally become transparent, there is no foundation light enough, on no-makeup days I’m constantly asked if I’m ill, and I quite simply feel a tad awful. I’m by no means calling out all pale people, a lot of ‘paley’s’ look absolutely fab; there are just some days for me where I don’t feel good in my pale skin – and that’s when this product comes in handy.

3 Skincare Faves You Need In Your Life.

There was a pretty damn wonderful offer on the Boots website the other week which easily reeled me in as the bargain hunter I am – thanks a lot Tim Wonnacott. 3 For 2 on all skincare really got me excited and you bet I spent well over an hour narrowing down my choices to a cost savvy three I am now extremely chuffed with. An eye cream to hopefully delay my wrinkly bags (is that a euphamisim??), a Body Shop tea tree facial wash dupe and a forgotten world class moisturiser.

Current Favourites.

Just Jolie x

Product Preach – YSL Black Opium Perfume.

I don’t know about you, but I love to smell of smelly things (the good kind, obviously.). I can see myself 10 years in the future with a grand 30+ collection of smellies, and I will have no regrets about the fact. I have already accumulated a small collection of perfumes, ranging in price from £3.50 (for 50ml) to this one I am preaching about today at £58 – Yves Saint Laurent’s Black Opium.

Product Preach – SophDoesNails X Makeup Revolution Collaboration.

Hello lovely people! I hope you are all doing well! Although I am ridiculously invested in the world of YouTube, I’m not one to physically invest in every single collaboration within the web. I often find them over priced, over hyped and corporate feeling, with a clear lack of personality and effort. However, obviously (from the fact I bought both elements!) I saw a clear difference within the SOPH X MAKEUP REVOLUTION collab, and I will tell you for why in this very post.

Just Jolie’s 3 Year Anniversary!

3 YEARS? My blog is now the age of a small infant; that genuinely blows my little mind! I simply wanted to pop in and just thank anyone (mainly friends and family) who have followed from the beginning, anyone who have popped in and out along the way; any support is and will always be so greatly appreciated.

It warms my heart that even one person would take time out of their day to read my musings, watch my videos, absorb my reviews and go out and buy products because of little old me. Thank you, thank you, and thank you! Here is to many more years to come of mindless word spews from my extremely weird brain.

Just Jolie x